Blame the Blondes
by no1cares
Summary: "Damn you, you sexy bastard!" "Fu- wait, did you just call me sexy?" "Screw you." "I'd rather screw you." In which Sasuke couldn't control his hormones and Sakura wasn't entirely over him. Naruto and Ino are to be blamed.


**Title**: Blame The Blondes

**Summary**: "Damn you, you sexy bastard!" "Fu- wait, did you just call me sexy?" "Screw you." "I'd rather screw you." In which Sasuke couldn't control his hormones and Sakura wasn't entirely over him. Naruto and Ino are to be blamed.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own this stuff. Well, except for the plot. Okay, so maybe some of this was inspired by certain authors which I can't name right now. So... I dunno.. I don't really care.. Maybe I should. Grr... Hn.

**A/N**: This is dedicated to xx-Destinity-xx, .o, ..CHoMP., pacchiri cherii , and Black-Alice-Stars for your lovely and supportive comments throughout the development of my previous work, 'Meltdown'. Because I might not update or publish yet it's sequel which I will entitle 'Aftershock', I will distract you with this oneshot first. :) I do hope you get distracted and enjoy this.

Because there are super mini chappies, I decided to cram it all up in one chapter. So that's why it's long. Okay, so maybe for some it ain't long. But if it were me who was reading this then I'd be considering it long. Heck, I wouldn't read this. But then again, maybe I would. I dunno. ON WITH THE STORY!

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><p><strong>B<strong> L _A_ M **E** T**H**E **B** L O _N_ D E** S**

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><p><em>Of change and warm welcomes<em>

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><p>"What the hell is your problem, Uchiha?"<p>

The first words she's ever spoken to him after he returned from the village. Uchiha Sasuke, twenty one years old, was hated by the very person who swore to love him forever.

"Hn."

It was inevitable, he figured she was really angry at him, considering that he had gone with a pedo-snake for 3 years, became an Akatsuki member for 5 years and that he left her, on the night he betrayed the village, on a frickin' cold bench. Who does that? Sasuke Uchiha, that's who.

"You, your chicken ass hair and limited vocabulary can go back to that snake, for all I care."

Harsh. Yes, Haruno Sakura had learned to be harsh to Uchiha Sasuke. The Uchiha, however, appeared unnerved and unaffected with all the kunoichi's mistreatment. He couldn't blame her though.

Uchiha Sasuke had learned of horror when he was sentenced for 5 years to be monitored by his blond best friend who took turns with their perverted former sensei.

"What is this?"

They were at Hatake Kakashi's apartment. And they were, as Naruto and Kakashi preferred to, '_bonding'_. Apparently, this_ 'bonding' _of theirs constituted of reading their favorite book 'Icha Icha Paradise' that was made by Naruto's other teacher and Orochimaru's perverted former teammate, Jiraiya. The Uchiha sighed at how pathetic this _'bonding'_ of theirs was at first, but had grown accustomed to it and decided to join in the reading of the explicit material. Though he spent his adolescent years with a pedophile, he was certain of his sexual orientation. And he, being the man that he thinks he is, had been acquainted with his hand for quite some time.

"Teme! Let's go get some ramen!"

Naruto, being the caring idiot that he was, always treated Sasuke when it came to eat ramen. It was no surprise that Ichiraku eventually became his second home, but what disturbed the Uchiha was how he could survive eating ramen for breakfast, lunch and dinner. It simply disgusted him. But nonetheless accepted that fact, for he was, in all weirdness, Uzumaki Naruto, his best friend. Though he would never openly admit it, the Uchiha was sort of fond with the jinchuriki's obsession.

"Shikamaru! Chouji! Ino!"

Apparently, the small stall became their weekly get together spot. Rookie Nine, Team Gai and Sai, of course, hung out at Ichiraku's during Friday nights.

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><p><em>Of twin bastards and broken bones <em>

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><p>"Sai, this is Sasuke."<p>

"Sasuke, this is Sai."

Their first meeting was somewhat awkward. The fact that they almost looked like each other made Sasuke shiver with disgust. He stared at his replacement's outfit and was definitely sure about his sexualuality. Or maybe his shirt shrunk in the drier. Whatever. He did not care to spare a 'Hn' at the pale boy. Sai, who seemed oblivious to other people's feelings bluntly eyed the Uchiha up and down and made up his mind about the Uchiha's nickname.

"Hey there, chicken ass."

Sasuke twitched an eye. Being the arrogant and proud Uchiha that he was, he activated his Sharingan but was quickly stopped by a flash of pink blur.

"What the hell are you doing, Uchiha?" she stared at him.

She stood between him and his replacement. And she was awfully angry.

"Don't you know you could get sentenced to death if you harm anyone in this village?"

_Ah. So she did care._

The Uchiha inwardly smirked at the thought. He deactivated his Kekkai Genkai and turned the other direction muttering a silent 'Hn' along the way.

"Oh no you don't. I'm not the same girl I used to be back then, Uchiha. You can't just walk out on me like that. Not now. Not ever."

Now, to say that Haruno Sakura punched him would be an understatement.

She, with her inhuman strength, beat the living hell out of the stubborn man. He figured that he deserved it and made a mental note not to make Sakura that angry at him, ever again. Not that he hadn't made her super angry already. But he imagined that there could be worse.

"Hn."

"Whoah, even at the brink of death, that's all you could say?" Naruto practically yelled.

Uchiha was admitted at the hospital after tasting a bit of Sakura's rage. He had 16 bruises all over his body, 123 broken bones, a misplaced nose, and a dysfunctional liver. Gosh, Sakura_ was too_ scary.

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><p><em>Of rantings and realizations<em>

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><p>"Holy cow, Sakura, you did that to him?"<p>

Now, Ino, who was over Sasuke the minute she came to realize that she wasn't really in love with him but just his looks, became instant best friends with Sakura again. She was also working with the Haruno in the hospital but was not merely as great as a medic as Sakura was. Though Ino was by far better than most of the others though. She learned pretty quick, considering Sakura's mild teaching skills.

"Uh, yeah? So what?" the pink haired medic crossed her arms childishly as she glared lightly at the Yamanaka.

"Well, don't you think you got a little overboard back there?" Ino sheepishly smiled at her best friend.

"No, I don't think so. The bastard deserved it."

"Well, yeah, so? He deserves a lot of things, but you know, you _are_ his teammate. You _were_ the luckiest girl in class cause you got teamed up with him. You're expected to know him better than the rest of us, well, okay, maybe not better than Naruto or Kakashi-sensei but you can't just go running around beating him up!" oh Kami she sounded like her mom.

"Ino, you don't know how hard it was for me when he left me on that bench that night. I mean, couldn't he just had placed me somewhere much more comfortable? To wake up in the morning on a bench is not a good feeling. He could've placed me on a frickin' field of grass, heck that'd be much nicer!"

"Sakura-"

"What if someone came up and raped me? I mean that was possible! Someone could've kidnapped me and sold me for drugs! Or worse, rape mem make me a prostitute and then when I'm old and wrinkly they'd murder me and hide my body in a deep well and I'd be like The Ring: Shinobi style."

"Sakura-"

"But what made me even madder was that he said "Thank you" after I confessed my feelings! What the hell? Thank you? Thank you? And then you knock me out and leave me on a bench to die of hypothermia because you couldn't even bother to put a blanket over me? The hell? What kind of a friend are you?"

"FOREHEAD! I SWEAR IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP NOW, I WILL RAPE YOU!" Ino snapped.

This was the cause of a huge misunderstanding in the hospital, but that's another story.

Now on to the topic at hand.

Once she had finally gotten the ranting kunoichi's attention, the Yamanaka quickly covered her best friend's mouth so she would be sure that she wouldn't be interrupted.

"Sakura," she began her speech, "you're looking at this from a wrong perspective."

The Haruno raised a brow, curious as to what Ino was gonna explain.

"Put yourself in Sasuke-kun's shoes for example." Ino smiled.

"He didn't put you in that bench so you'd have backaches in the morning. The fact is that, he could've killed you right then and there, Sakura. He could've. But he didn't Sakura. He didn't."

Ino let go of Sakura when she felt water coming out of her eyes. Sakura hated Ino for making her realize.

"Thank you, Pig." she embraced her best friend tightly.

"You're welcome, Forehead." Ino returned the hug.

Hey, just because their best friends doesn't mean they don't insult each other in a friendly way. That's practically what best friends do right?

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><p><em>Of denial and other rivers in Egypt<em>

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><p>It had been a year since he was released from probation. And he was still the same as he came back to the village. He took the Chuunin exams and passed with flying colors.<p>

"TEME!" Naruto yelled.

The Uchiha was on the bridge where Team 7 used to meet back in the good old days. He had been reflecting about his life. His scared past, with his loving brother and his parents. He understood why Itachi had left him alive. Truly, he was the best older brother in the world. But now he was gone. No longer present in this world. But he was still grateful, had it not been for Itachi, the chances of Sasuke ever considering Naruto as his best friend was thin. He owed his life to his brother.

"Teme, what are you doing here?"

"Just thinking."

And then he thought, what about the present? The future? He was uncertain until the image of a pink-haired woman appeared in his mind. Surprisingly, a light blush crept on the his face. This was truly rare.

"About what?" Uchiha Sasuke thanked Kami that Naruto was there to snap him out of his thoughts.

"Nothing."

"Nothing? You're weird, Teme!" Naruto laughed at his best friend.

"And you're stupid, Dobe." he retorted as a small smile became visible on his face.

That was how they were and he figured, that was how they'll always be. Naruto had always and will always be there for him, even if he became a traitor and vowed to kill him. He could never ask for a better best friend than the idiot.

"Let's go visit Sakura-chan!" he was frozen stiff for a moment but recovered quick enough for Naruto not to notice.

As they walk towards her house, they spot her in the opposite direction with a certain Hyuuga. And they were giggling. And flirting. And touching hands. And he had this weird feeling in his stomach.

"What the fuck?" Naruto screamed but was unnoticed by the lovebirds.

Sasuke remained quiet. Yet, he was feeling angry. Though he did not believe that the cause of his anger was Sakura and Neji. No. But he never liked it when he, himself, called his anger 'jealousy'. For him, Uchiha Sasuke, to be jealous of another man, let alone a Hyuuga, was beyond him.

But deep inside, he knew, that he was in denial. But it wouldn't be like him to just up and sweep Sakura off her feet, now would it? He had to keep himself sane. And to do that, he had to block all thoughts of Sakura. He had to avoid Sakura at all costs.

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><p><em>Of trickery and stupidity<em>

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><p>Haruno Sakura was an understanding person. She had left her irrational ways years ago. But when the mentally retarded blond for a best friend called her up at 2:30 in the morning saying that she needed to meet her in the park, she considered herself the bride of bad luck.<p>

"What the hell pig?"

"My my my, someone's PMSing early in the morning."

"No shit, Sherlock. Who the hell doesn't PMS when an idiot calls early in the morning?"

"Whatever. Just meet me at the old bridge where your team used to meet."

"Grr. Yeah yeah."

And with that, she set off to meet the obnoxious blonde.

Crazy as it seems, well, maybe not that crazy, Uchiha Sasuke was met with the same fate. But this time, only with another blonde.

"Dobe? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Language, Teme! Language."

"The hell? Is that all you have to say? You really are an idiot."

"Bastard! Meet me at the old bridge, right now."

"If your planning a midnight affair, I'm not gay, Dobe."

"That's not what I meant, TEME! Just get your ass here!"

"Like I said, I'm not gay. Go fuck some other dude's ass."

"GAAAH! Teme, shut the hell up and just come here!"

"Hn."

And so the disturbed Uchiha set off for the bridge.

Unbeknown to the pink and blue pair, the two blondes, with all their craziness and roundheadedness, have set up a plan to get the other two idiots together. And, believe me, it was ingenious.

HANDCUFF!

Okay, so maybe it was the oldest trick in the book, so what? It worked.

"What the fuck?" the two yelled in unison.

Two snickering blondes appeared before them in a puff of smoke.

"PIG!"

"DOBE!"

"We figured you guys'd react like that." Ino said as she placed her hands on her hips.

"Well, yeah! Of course! What normal person would be happy about being handcuffed to this guy?"

"What's that supposed to mean? Hn?"

"Oh you know what's that supposed to mean!"

"Lover's quarrel much?"

"PIG!"

"Hn."

Okay, now mostly, in this conversation, Sakura was the one spatting out insults at the two blondes while Sasuke remained quiet and appeared bored.

"How can you be so calm like this?" the pink haired woman stared at the Uchiha.

"Hn. I'm strong. These pair of handcuffs won't stand a chance when I tear them apart." he answered.

"Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. And I thought you were smart, Teme." Naruto clicked his tongue.

The two raised a brow at the jinchuriki. Did he- oh no.

"Chakra suppressors. And every time you try to use your strength to break them loose, they'll drain all your energy away." Ino explained.

_'These guys are sick.'_ a sulking Sakura thought.

"Hn." the Uchiha remained as stoic as ever, yet deep inside, he rejoicing.

"Then we'll just have to get the key then." Sakura smirked.

"You can't. I broke it." Naruto piped up.

"WHY YOU-"

"Sakura. If you try to punch him, nothing beneficial will come out of this." Sasuke stated.

"Grr. Ino, Naruto, seriously, stop this. What are you trying to make us do?"

"BABIES!" Sakura sweatdropped at their answer.

"What the fuck are you guys on about? Are you high or something?" Sakura ranted and Sasuke kept 'Hn'-ing but they were completely oblivious to the other two.

"Let's just knock them out and get on with this..." Ino whispered in Naruto's ear.

"Yeah yeah."

And so they were unconscious. The poor pair were dragged towards the Uchiha residence where they were left and locked up.

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><p><em>Of mornings and bathrooms<em>

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><p>"Wha-what happened?" Sakura woke up to the feel of familiar heat beside her.<p>

She looked at her side and saw a sleeping Sasuke with his hand on her waist.

"Ah!" she tried to move away but was held down by a metal ring on her hand.

And then she remembered what happened. Ino and Naruto.

"Sasuke. Sasuke." she poked him on the cheek.

Of all the things to wake him up, she poked him. On his cheek.

"Argh. Stop that." the Uchiha woke up and stared at the blinking Sakura.

Then he got up and went to the kitchen, dragging the Haruno along with him. She, confused and angry, kept quiet and remained on his back. He cooked up breakfast and offered her a plate. Sakura was amazed at how he could handle himself and the his huge house. They ate in silence as she observed at how clean the place was. No sign of dust anywhere.

"Sakura." he spoke as he finished his meal.

"Yes?" Sakura raised a brow.

"I'm sorry. You still hate me now, right?"

She stared at his words. Never had she heard those from him before. Those were the very words that she'd always wanted to hear ever since he came back. Not 'I love you' or 'I like you' but 'I'm sorry'. And she was happy.

"Sasuke." she cried and gave him a hug. "I never said I hated you."

The Uchiha was shocked at how bold her actions were but decided to embrace her as well. After the long and dramatic hug they parted.

"Sakura."

"Sasuke."

"Bathroom."

And then she stood there frozen. He smirked. She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"Sakura, bathroom, now."

She didn't like this. Not one bit.

"Screw you!" she blushed.

"I'd rather screw you." he smirked.

He liked this. The fact that the thought of them in a bathroom made her embarrassed, aroused him. Though it was visible, thankfully, for Sasuke, Sakura wasn't making any eye contact or even paying attention to him.

"Hn. Fine. If you're going to be that way then I'll just have to carry you to it."

And so carry he did. Once they got to the bathroom he started stripping himself. He was half naked in front of her. And this got Sakura blushing like a tomato. He loved tomatoes.

"Sakura." he liked the way her name rolled off his tongue.

Seeing that she wasn't really paying him any attention, he snaked his free arm around her waist and pulled him closer to his chest.

"You still like me, don't you?" she could hear the smirk in his voice.

Anger and embarrassment consumed her, so she decided to throw the closest thing at Sasuke. And luckily for him, it was a bar of soap. It hit him in the head and fell on the tub.

"Damn you," she cried. "You sexy bastard!"

"Fu- wait." he stared at her words. "Did you just call me sexy?"

She could feel blood rushing to her cheeks. She couldn't tell if it was embarrassment or anger.

"You pervert!" she threw another object at him and this time he managed to dodge it.

"Last time I checked, you were the one ogling at my naked body." he smirked.

"I-I was not."

"Yes you were."

"Nuh uh!"

"Yuh uh."

"Nu uh."

"Uh yuh uh."

"Nu uh!"

"Are we really gonna play this game?" he moved in closer.

"Stay the hell away from-" but she was caught off guard when he leaned down and kissed her.

She couldn't escape from him, feeling that his grasp around her waist became tighter by the second. All she could do was return the kiss. After a few seconds they broke apart for air.

"That was..."

"Great? Amazing? Mind blowing?"

"Pathetic. You don't know how to kiss, Sasuke-kun."

Ah, there it was. Even if she threw in a little insult, it didn't seem to bother him _that_ much. The fact that she called him _'Sasuke-kun'_ again made him happy. Okay so it did bother him, she just** insulted** his _kissing_ skills.

"Oh so now you're gonna compare me to the Hyuuga, right?" he seemed a little angry.

"I'm not comparing you with-wait. Are you jealous?" she smirked.

"I'm an Uchiha, I don't get jealous." he glared at her but she just brushed it off.

"Ne ne, Sasuke-kun, if you won't admit it, fine. But just so you know, nothing happened with me and Neji-kun."

He raised a brow but was still angry.

"He was just asking me to help him make Tenten jealous." she explained.

"Oh." Uchiha Sasuke was relieved.

"So..."

"Fine. I was jealous."

"Sasuke-kun, would that mean?" he held her closer.

"Yes, Sakura. That would mean that I love you."

And then they kissed again. But it was this time, that Sasuke felt her boobs against his chest. And it was squishy.

"Sakura." and then his pants grew tighter.

"Sasuke-kun." and then she felt him.

And then they did it in the bathroom.

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><p><em>Of freedom and love<em>

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><p>They lie on the bathroom tiles after a few hours of love making. They held each other close, not minding the sweat and stench they left behind.<p>

"So you finally did the deed huh?" a voice from the door appeared.

The two woke up and were as red as tomatoes. They glared at the ever disturbing Uzumaki Naruto who just stood there like an idiot.

"Get out, DOBE!" Sasuke threw a bar of soap at him.

But Naruto eventually dodged it and grinned at the Uchiha some more.

"You guys were too mixed up in your passion that you didn't notice the handcuff had gone." Ino appeared behind Naruto.

The couple finally got the idea and threw the two blondes out.

"So..." Sakura sheepishly smiled at Sasuke.

"If you get pregnant, blame the blondes." Sasuke smirked at her and kissed her.

"You sexy bastard."

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><p><strong>B<strong> L_ A_ M **E** T**H**E **B** L O _N_ D E** S**

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><p><strong>AN**: And so I'm like, what a crappy ending! I'm sorry. I'm not really good with endings. This is because I don't really like endings. Argh I dunno. This is the reason why when I attempt to draw a comic I can't finish it properly. Sigh... I feel awful. But who cares? I know I don't! So hurrah! I hope you guys got distracted :D haha


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